So I just got back from the hospital.

It seems I live there these days, not only have I spent a few nights recently (for a completely un-related matter, and also why I haven’t been blogging), I have regular outpatient appointments with the Dermatology Specialist Nurse after the removal of an in situ melanoma back in 2008.

Skin Cancer people!

Yes it CAN happen to you, and it can happen to you if you are in your early 20’s as it did to me. It can also happen to people who stay OUT of the sun. Anyway, less of the preaching – back to the point of the post.

Why Oh Why am I never aware of impending potential embarrassment moments, and why do I not know that I shouldn’t wear big knickers!? After 3 years of outpatient appointments where it mainly went like this;

Nurse: “Any significant changes with any of your moles, or any concerns”?
Me: “No, all is fine thank you, but perhaps check this one just in case”
Nurse: “That looks fine to me, Ok, thanks for coming, see you in 6 months”.

Today it went like this

Nurse: “Please strip down to your underwear, I’ll be back in the room in a minute”…

My thoughts – Blind panic people, utter blind panic!!

Unshaven, mismatching and BIG OLD KNICKERS! That was all I could think about. I’d rather she demand I get totally naked hang about in the waiting room, that would have been better than having her witness the car crash that was my 7am underwear selection and decision not to shave my legs for a few weeks – yahknow, because it is already winter in the UK, and what really is the point?

We are talking black lacy push up bra, white BIG knickers in some sort of (ridiculously comfortable but completely unsexy) 120 denier stretch fabric that had gone slightly gray after one wash too many and baby pink cable knit socks.

Yes, it was just one of those moments. I dutifully removed all outer clothing and sat there for an eternity waiting for the shame to hit me smack in the face.

Once she reappeared all I could do was to laugh brazenly and make a joke of myself and ‘The Underwear Situation’.

Nurse? Yep, she had a good old hearty laugh at my expense. So much that I thought she might hyperventilate.

Thank you NHS, I’ll be here all week.

As soon as I was out there I had to call my Mom, no one could better understand this situation. There was no one else I could share this with who would practically heave down the phone in disgust. Yep, my Mom literally HEAVES if I tell her that my underwear doesn’t match. I find it hilarious.com.

So, really, at the end of the day, I am over it. I made my Mum heave in revulsion (always funny) and I have learnt a few lessons and will now preach a la Baz Luhrmann.

Wear sunscreen
Wear matching underwear to appointments with your Doctor
Shave
Dance the funky chicken if you find yourself exposed in bad underwear
Never Goggle BIG underwear again, it’ll burn your eyeballs with horrific images into your brain that nothing can remove, stuck with you for life, sister.
Go for it Baz (Love, love, LOVE this song)

And just in case you wanted some big underwear, how about these beauties?

I am off to Marks & Spencer to stock up on some Bridget Jones’.

What is your underwear related horror story?

Hopefully normal blogging will resume soon – once I have convalesced entirely.